The Guitar and the Conceptual Penis

I have just finished reading this¬†impeccable paper¬†on the conceptual penis. The penis, it is argued, is ‘better understood not as an anatomical organ but as a social construct isomorphic to performative toxic masculinity’.

plain-guitarNow, I am a guitarist. And as a guitarist I have had to battle against the inherent hypermasculine violence of the instrument. The guitar’s shape was purposely designed to be suggestive of the phallus, the chief symbol of the patriarchy. Even the strings are suggestive of the frenulum.

I suggest we adopt a new guitar shape to counter the phallic toxicity represented by the instrument. And furthermore, we can do this while also promoting a body positive image — as opposed to the covert sexist symbolism promoted through the guitar’s hour-glass body shape:


And those strings damn well better be vegan friendly.

[Note: the paper is a hoax, as most will already know.]